Harmony
by sapphireswimming
Summary: Matt thought he had a family again when Sam and Dean drove away, but no one really turns over a new leaf overnight. (Or, the story of how Matthew Pike became Samandriel)


**So I gave Matt Pike from 1.08 (_Bugs_) a horrible story. Couldn't just let him walk away from his episode with a happy ending, right? Those things don't exist here. This is Supernatural! XP**

**There are general spoilers through season 8 and this is probably at least a touch AU since I'm pretty sure that Matt didn't became Samandriel's vessel, but it was fun to imagine since they're played by the same actor, and because there was nothing to actually say that this _wasn't_ what happened…**

**Structure blatantly borrowed from some of aimmyarrowshigh's fantastic Hunger Games work. Plus present tense and artsy stuff since I'm already experimenting. Lemme know if it worked. :/**

* * *

**Harmony**

_ Or, the Story of how Matthew Pike became Samandriel_

July 21, 2013

* * *

**001.**

Matt is so happy when Sam and Dean drive away.

He is alive. His parents are alive. They are all alive.

They have missed a horrible agonizing death via man eating insects by the skin of their teeth, only because they were somehow able to wait out the swarm until dawn. There is no other reason. They should be dead.

But they aren't. They have made it out almost unscathed. Of course, their first stop before they hit the road with the moving van is the local pharmacy to clear them out of ointment that will treat any kind of bug bite under the sun.

But they are alive.

And his dad's arm is slung around his shoulder as the impala pulls away.

**002.**

It is so perfect that Matt wonders if he's dreaming.

**003.**

They leave the undeveloped Oklahoma subdivision, with Matt's insect collection in the garbage, behind them. A new place, new school, new friends, fresh start.

**004.**

His mother makes more meals for them to eat as a family around the table. Which she makes sure they do without yelling at each other. Matt's dad holds his temper a little more often and makes a point of listening to whatever his son has to say.

Matt stumbles over saying "Mom" and "Dad" instead of "Joanie" and "Larry" but it feels so right that he smiles as he gets used to it.

**005.**

He can hear his mom screaming through his headphones and two flights of stairs. He has never run so fast in his life to get to her.

There's an earwig scurrying across the basement floor.

**006.**

Matt manages to squash it before retreating to his room and locking the door. It takes him more than an hour to calm down enough that he stops shaking.

At first he doesn't believe it, but he's developed a phobia of bugs.

**007.**

They call every exterminator in the phone book.

The workmen from the various companies often overlap in the times they come to spray the house each month and they shake their heads and laugh at the Pikes and their fetish which costs them thousands of dollars per year.

But they take it with good grace.

Because they'd rather be safe than sorry.

**008.**

Of course, everything that sounds too good to be true, is. And anything that seems too good to last, won't.

**009.**

His parents try to forget. In this new neighborhood, there is nothing to remind them of that terrible night. And, when they are surrounded by normal people, who laugh at the idea of man eating bugs like the cheesy campfire story it should be, it is easy to repress the memories and try to be normal too.

**010.**

Matt doesn't know when it happens, but at some point, when his parents say "that night," they don't say it with shivers running up their spines, but in exasperation as he persists in bringing it up.

**011.**

Finally, they claim that what happened was anything more than a hornet's nest agitated and let loose in the house. A prank, perhaps, from two troubled denim clad young men who were passing through with nothing but an aim to wreck havoc and ruin careers.

When Matt stands up for Sam and Dean, he's reprimanded for holding up such rebellious figures as role models and told to forget about them.

**012.**

But Matt becomes more obsessed with _that night_ as his parents deny its existence.

**013.**

The initial panic of that night, of losing each other, has long since faded and nothing is pulling them together anymore. The drift apart because sometimes Matt acts like the teenager he is and his parents have never known how to live any other way unless they are hounded by ominous buzzing in their dreams.

**014.**

Months pass. A year or two goes by and the Pikes revert back to their original behavior.

**015.**

You can't turn over a new leaf overnight and expect it to last.

**016.**

The only thing that makes life bearable is Sam's words about college.

Matt could get away for a while. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but he knows better than to expect another miracle.

He had one, brought by a Chevy and black bugs. And see just how much he's messed that one up.

**017.**

But he's never been a very good student.

The only thing he'd ever had a good grasp of was science. He'd barely made it through social studies, PE, or Literature with passing grades, but give him an AP Biology course and he'll ace the class, bringing up projects and reports that were worthy of a grad student.

But not anymore. He can't stand looking at anything that reminds him of his earlier passion and previous strong suits.

And, he realizes with a sinking heart as he sees his latest grades, he has nothing else.

**018.**

College is out of the question.

**019.**

When it becomes clear that he will be lucky just to graduate high school and no institute of higher learning will accept him, Matt throws himself into a different kind of research. About what had happened to them, to his family.

He is careful not to relive the nightmare itself— he has enough of that at night when he isn't trying to bring up the memories— but he tries to figure out what happened. And what must happen in other places.

**020.**

Someone somewhere has to have answers.

**021.**

It takes a long time to realize what is clearly made up and what might be real. But he is determined to find the evidence necessary to convince his parents it happened as he says, as he remembers it, as they should remember it.

Because, maybe, if they remember, they can be a family again.

**022.**

All he's ever wanted is a family who loves him and listens to him.

**023.**

He hears about cursed ground and hexes and Indian legends and local folklore. He discovers odd things, crazy things, impossible things in his quest to find what could have called the bugs into action, into eating people, for that week.

**024.**

Whenever he brings up anything that sounds vaguely unrealistic or unnatural, his parents fight against him, pushing back harder into the shell they have created for themselves, where they happily disbelieve their son and their own experiences.

Every time he opens his mouth, he sees the shutters in his parents' eyes coming down a little bit further. With every word, they are getting closer to blocking him out entirely.

**025.**

He can't give up his research because it's the only thing that might bring them back together. But unless he can snap them out of this, he'll lose whatever he has left.

**026.**

Now, in his nightmares, when the bugs come, his parents lock him out of the house and hide in the attic while he screams.

**027.**

Matt tries calling Sam, but the number is disconnected.

He can't find any new contact information for them online. They aren't listed in the yellow pages.

He refuses to believe it's because that Dean is dead. Because the article— from a while ago now and why didn't he try to call them sooner?— also says that he is a murderer and Matt knows that isn't true.

**028.**

He is quiet again for a while. The tension leaves the air when he doesn't talk about the things that happened in their old home and if he closes his eyes, he can almost pretend that this is the way things should be.

**029.**

His parents offer to pay his way through a few classes at the community college nearby. They are so relieved when he accepts that he doesn't tell them he only does it because of what Sam had said and that the first class he has signed up for is anthropology and the second is a course on Greek mythology.

**030.**

He knows his parents are rewarding him for finally shutting up about his unhealthy obsession with something that didn't happen. He tries not to think that they are paying him to stay out of the house and away from them.

**031.**

But it is as close as he can get to what they used to have, so he keeps his research to a minimum and talks about his schoolwork instead.

**032.**

That is when the whispers start.

**033.**

For a week, he's constantly plugged into his headphones, trying to drown out the high pitched squealing he hears everywhere he goes and no one else around him seems to notice. It gets worse, and Matt freaks out when he finds a slow stream of blood trickling out of his ear one morning.

He's going to tell his mom about it, maybe get an appointment to see a doctor, but then he realizes the noise has stopped and there is no more blood.

**034.**

There is something in his head.

It starts with murmurs and then turns into words and finally becomes complete sentences. Something, _someone_, is in his head, talking to him, and no one else hears anything.

Matt is too scared to go to his parents, so he sits on his bed with a pillow over his head, trying to block it out but nothing works.

He is going crazy.

**035.**

Knowing that carnivorous gnats and Euchee tribe curses exist is something he can handle, but voices in his head are another matter entirely. Especially when it keeps talking like it knows him.

This thing _knows his name_.

**036.**

He refuses to listen to it, but it gets harder and harder to ignore when it talks to him about his family, commiserating because it says that its own family is going through some really hard times too.

The voice tells him that he can help him, help his family, help the world. That part isn't quite so believable but if this thing can help him get his family back…

**037.**

He is jumpier these days and startles easily. He rarely notices when his teachers are talking to him and doesn't always know if his classmates are speaking aloud. People keep on looking at him oddly and so he locks himself away more often, zoning out of conversations to listen to the voice in his head instead.

**038.**

The day he sees the psychiatrist's number circled on a paper on the kitchen counter is the day he finally works up the courage and talks back. He's scared his parents will have him locked away, but if he's already crazy, he might as well figure out what it wants.

**039.**

His name is Samandriel and he's an angel.

**040.**

Samandriel tells him that he has been right about all of the things that happen out there in the dark. That he is special because he pursues the truth even when everyone else tells him to ignore it. That he is chosen, and that together, they will do great things.

**041.**

He talks to Matt when he's coming back from school and surfing the computer in his room and trying not to think about insects as he falls asleep at night.

The nightmares come less often now that he has someone to distract him. He feels less lonely now that he has someone who will listen to him, talk with him. And he smiles more often because he has someone who makes commentary in his head during classes and after a while, they even begin to share inside jokes.

He wonders if this is what it's like to have a friend.

**042.**

His parents look at him strangely now, but he doesn't know why. He makes sure that he doesn't talk to Samandriel when other people are around to hear.

**043.**

He wants Matt's help, _needs_ it, to be able to help in the war. Lucifer's been set free and recaged but his demon hordes and a remnant of unfaithful heaven want to complete his work and there's a new King of Hell and the Mother of All and monsters only hinted at in ancient biblical chronicles walking the earth.

Samandriel needs to be there to help. But for that, he needs a vessel.

**044.**

It's you, Matt. You're my vessel.

What will happen to me?

No harm will come to you; you will be taken care of.

But, what will happen to _me_? When you take over?

I will take over. You will still be here, but… it won't be like before.

You mean, it's like I disappear?

You will still be here.

But I won't be able to talk to my friends? Or my parents? It will just be you in here?

I suppose that's one way to look at it.

I'm scared, Samandriel.

I know.

**045.**

I'm too scared to say yes.

I know.

**046.**

But you need me. To help fight for your friends and your family?

That's right.

Can… I wait and think about it some more?

Yes, Matt. Take all the time you need. But realize that earthly time is precious and limited.

You won't… you won't go away, will you?

No. Of course not.

**047.**

He corners his parents, saying he has something important to tell them, but he sees how this will turn out as soon as he begins and says the word "angel."

**048.**

He cries that first night when it's just him and his angel in a tiny, moldy motel room because he can't afford anything else.

**049.**

Samandriel wraps a heavenly arm around him and whispers that it will all be okay. He's proven himself worthy to be a vessel of heaven. By leaving home like that when he has no money and no one to turn to, he's sacrificed everything. Matt already knows that. That he is worthy. Now, that one, Matt's not so sure of.

**050.**

But that trust is what rallies him to try again.

The next day, Matt decides to start fresh. He gets a new name— Alfie, because that was what his grandpa with Alzheimer's used to call him even though it wasn't even close to his name and also because it's not like he has any better ideas and it doesn't even matter what he chooses just so long as his parents can't find him to prove him clinically insane— and gets a job at the Weiner Hut a block over.

It won't do anything more than pay for the barest of necessities, but it's enough.

**051.**

Matt is barely able to hold himself together through the early mornings, late nights, horrible good, and worse accommodations.

Samandriel offers to help, to take it all away, but Matt is determined to make it on his own now that he's made it out.

**052.**

He's too proud to admit that he's in this over his head. He's too smart to go home to the white walls he knows his parents will drag him to. And he's still too scared to say yes to Samandriel.

**053.**

That's okay, though. Heaven has waited eternities. Samandriel can afford to be patient.

**054.**

It all catches up to him after a couple months working extra shifts and a second job. He collapses from exhaustion and is unable to make it to work for the third time already this month. Samandriel prods him back to consciousness but he is still unable to see straight when he calls in to apologize. The room is thrown into stark clarity once he hears he's been fired.

He slides down the wall in shock and throws his shoe at the cockroach in the corner, and tries not to sob.

**055.**

Samandriel whispers words of comfort to him until he calms down. And then he says that he's proud of him. That he is strong and brave to have done all of the things he has done. But he has done all he needs to. He doesn't have to go on like this. There is no one else he has to prove himself to.

But Matt knows that he's not at all brave.

**056.**

I think you are brave for all that you have done. Sam and Dean thought you were too, when you met. Isn't that enough?

**057.**

Sam and Dean? You know them?

They're the ones I'm going to assist as soon as I'm able to. They're fighting and they need all the help they can get.

I could… I mean you could…?

We could help them, yes, Sam and Dean and Castiel and the rest of my kin. You could do that. You can make that possible.

**058.**

Suddenly, the fear that has never left him and bunches up in knots in his stomach doesn't matter. The fact that he would disappear from his own life and stripped of all control over his own body doesn't stop him.

He could help save the world. And the men who saved him. He could help Samandriel rebuild his own family.

**059.**

After all, he knows that he's already had his. As much as he was ever going to get.

**060.**

Samandriel?

Yes, Matt?

Yes.

**061.**

His world explodes in a blinding flash of white light as _warmth_ and _gratitude_ and _pride_ and _belonging_ and _purpose_ rush over him and around him and through him until Samandriel is the one who opens his eyes.

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**Also, once I'd finished this, I found that skylarkblue had written this concept as well so you should go check hers out too. It's really good and takes a completely different spin on the idea:** s/8916768/1/Chained-to-a-Comet-with-No-Way-Out


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